Dumb Things to Say

Torri Hunter, outfielder for the LA Angels:

This is what Los Angeles Angels outfield Torii Hunter said, to USA Today: “This is supposed to be an honor, and just a handful of guys wearing the number. Now you’ve got entire teams doing it. I think we’re killing the meaning. It should be special wearing Jackie’s number, not just because it looks cool.”

What upset Hunter, he says now, was this: The Houston Astros had no black players on their team last April, and yet the entire team wore No. 42. Said Hunter: “That got it away from, ‘OK, we don’t have any blacks,’

So, you can have an entire team of people, mixed races, all honoring the contribution of Jackie Robinson not only to sports but race relations in the US, and it’s wrong? Is Tori really saying the only people who can wear 42 are black athletes? So much for showing solidarity.

Tori’s comment may be understandable because Houston didn’t have any black players, but there were a handful of Latin players on the team in 2007. I think it would be ignorance to say that Jackie Robinson didn’t open the door for them as well.

The Pregnant Man!

Why am I compelled to write this story?  It’s embarrassing.  Not to me, but to popular culture.

 Yahoo picked it up (and I love the fact the picture associated with the pregnant man wasn’t the pregnant man, but Oprah).  It was an exclusive in People.  And the “pregnant man”, one Thomas Beatie, was on Oprah yesterday.

I’m going to go into the story, but I want to post a content advisory here because I’m talking about reproduction.  So you’ve been warned.

No Sooner is the “Lazy Thompson” Story Written…

…it’s debunked.  There’s a video of Thompson at the Fire Station– and he seems to be having a good time.

What the hell is Roger Simon thinking?  Of course there’s going to be cameras there, you dufus.  It’s the information age.  If you can’t write your story straight, it’s going to fly back in your face.

If I was still doing Aquanet Moments, Roger Simon would certainly qualify for one.  Ass.

Santa’s a Dirty Old Man

…but only when Microsoft is involved.

My Family Can’t Understand Why I Don’t Want to Move Back

I think C.W. Nevius hits the nail on the head.  Or the thumb on the plunger.

Two months ago I wrote about an idea for a place in San Francisco where intravenous drug users could shoot up under the supervision of trained personnel. A lot of people thought it sounded crazy.

Well, get ready to hear about it again, because the idea is gaining momentum.

On Thursday, an all-day symposium - co-hosted by the city Department of Public Health - will examine the idea of creating safe injection centers where users could bring their drugs, shoot up and leave, without fear of arrest.

 I can just hear the stoners now.  “Hey, no way am I going to the place where the Man wants me to shoot up!”  Such a rebel.

Obama said what?

I kid you not.

“‘Barack Obama supports teaching sex education to kindergarteners,’” said Obama mimicking Keyes’ distinctive style of speech. “Which — I didn’t know what to tell him (laughter).”

“But it’s the right thing to do,” Obama continued, “to provide age-appropriate sex education, science-based sex education in schools.”

Let’s teach them molecular and cell biology, as well as some genetics. It’s the right thing to do.

So, little Johnny, what did you learn in kindergarten today? “We did some fingerpainting, then it was story time. I drank milk, ate graham crackers, played outside, and learned about multiple orgasms.”

Seriously. Do we really need to be teaching sex ed to kindergartners? Is there no respect for innocence these days? Barak, the right thing to do would be to try and de-emphasize the obsession with sex this culture has, not teach little kids all about the birds and the bees.

As a parent, if I found out my 5 year old daughter was learning sex-ed at kindergarten, I’d flip a lid. I’d go down and punch someone in the face. Let’s not have 1st graders dressing like Bratz with ass-tattoos, ok? Keep the sex-ed where it belongs– in high school.

Running with the Bulls

The latest from Spain– two brothers from California are gored by the same bull. WARNING: Graphic content. Hey, it’s people getting chased by bulls– what do you think will be on the link?

It was like the bull knew……

Chewbacca Molests Marilyn Monroe

And you think I was making this up?

On Sunday, a Marilyn Monroe lookalike called the cops on a Chewbacca character, reports and Elmo say.

Officers took a battery complaint from a Monroe impersonator Sunday at the Hollywood & Highland Center, the outdoor Hollywood mall that serves as home base for the Oscars, Los Angeles Police Officer April Harding said Monday.

The woman, whose name police declined to reveal, alleged someone touched her on her right shoulder “without her permission,” Harding said.

Elmo thinks Marilyn is full of s***. Hehehehe. What do you think Mr. Noodle?

He said he believed the Monroe became incensed at the Chewbacca after some tourists told her she was the worst Marilyn Monroe they’d ever seen.

“She went and accused Chewbacca of sending those people over there to say that,” Harper said.

If you’ve seen these impersonators, some are good. And some are, well, people dressed up as Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, can we stop people from dressing up as Marilyn? Wherever you go, there’s a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. At least Elvis Imp’s can sing. There was one at a 4th of July parade who sang with a broken ukelale. That was awesome. But how many times do we have to hear “Happy Birthday, Mister President?” For crying out loud, it’s the freakin’ Birthday Song! And it’s sang all “sexy”. That’s not sexy. That’s someone doped out of their minds fantasizing about JFK.

But I think Elmo might be wrong here.

The Hollywood Boulevard characters were in the news in February when one of their members�a Chewbacca, again�was arrested for allegedly head-butting a tour guide. Harding said it was not known if Sunday’s incident and last winter’s featured any of the same players; according to Harper, it was the same Chewbacca.

And, according to Harper, it was the same bum rap.

If Chewie was really angry, as we all know, he would have just pulled his arms out of his sockets. Not a headbutt.

When Cute Becomes Scary

And I’m not talking about Knut’s transformation either.

Yes, even Jackie Chan knows of what I speak. (Actually, this is him when a reporter ambushed him and told him he was contractually obligated to do “Rush Hour 3″.

I’m talking about the change of the once-cute Victoria Adams…

into “Posh Becks”.

She’s freaky. I fully expect her, in 10 years, to kidnap 5-score Dalmatians and turn them into a coat.

No Rosie

Sounds like there was an offer out there, but Rosie didn’t want to leave New York.

Bullet dodged. My childhood is secure.

My money is on Todd Newton. He’s like a young Barker, even though he’s bought into the global warming thing. But I’ve liked his hosting style since day one, and politics shouldn’t be a factor in whether or not you get TPIR hosting gig.

Update: Sounds like Rosie is getting her own talk show. Big surprise there. You know what that means– more showtunes!