I’m the Person of the Year

I think Time totally blundered here. If everyone is the person of the year, what are they going to do next year? Or any year after that?

Next year the person of the year is Tony Blair. You know what? I can tell him he sucks because he was person of the year after I was. Seriously. “Hey Tony, I was recognized as awesome long before you were.”

And what if Hillary gets elected and is selected as the 2008 person of the year? Big deal! So was her opponent, and that was two whole years ago.

There is nothing that totally invalidates the worth of any award if the specialness of the award is neutralized. It’s like a college degree. Imagine you have a B.S. in Physics. You’re pretty cool, right? Well, imagine if everyone, upon completing 3rd grade math, gets a B.S. in Physics. People would say, “You have a B.S. in Physics? Yeah, so do I, pal!” And they’d mean it!

Or suppose Nobel gave the Peace Prize to everyone on earth. Everyone gets 1/30th a cent or whatever it comes to. What of the Peace Prize winners after that? I’m a Nobel Laureate, just like Li Wang, the taxi driver in Hong Kong. What did we do for world peace? Well, we surfed the internet. And used an iPod. Yes, we are truly made in the form of Ghandi and Mother Theresa.

What am I going to do with my award? Lord it over everyone, of course. I’m a Person of the Year. I can put that on my tombstone, along with “processed oxygen” and “made out with Paris Hilton” (because at her current rate, statistically, everyone will have made out with Paris Hilton by the year 2060).

Two of my favorites blogging about it: Hot Air & Michelle Malkin.

Update: I scooped this HotAir segment. Hah! I’m relevant! (granted, they scooped me before that, but trust me, I was thinking about writing this piece all weekend long while watching my kids).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

About Me

My name is Doc. Welcome to my blog. If you're visiting from another blog, add me to your blogroll (and I'll happily reciprocate). I have a Ph.D. in Chemistry and live in Wisconsin. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. My email is docattheautopsy at gmail. (No linking to deflate the incredible spam monsters).



World Temp Widget

Blog Stats

  • 132,103 hits

RSS The Autopsy

The Autopsy

%d bloggers like this: