Your Joy Will Kill You

So I don’t get to the movies much anymore.  The last movie I saw was “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs” with my youngest (good movie for kids and adults– highly recommended).  When she and I go to a movie, we always get a bag of popcorn to split.  We wouldn’t have it any other way.

But, the killjoys over at the Center for Science in the Public Interest have analyzed the popcorn and have determined it’s probably the worst thing you can eat.  I pretty much figured when you go to the spigot and spray that golden-hued buttery liquid on the popcorn, I’m going to feel it oozing through my pores sometime later in the day (Hey, I’m sweating artificial butter flavoring!)  But it’s a guilty pleasure for an uncommon event.  But the CSPI folks would rather you eat boiled lentils with a coating of flaxseed oil rather than let us enjoy our treat on our special day.  I’m not saying we should eat this stuff on a daily basis, but I am saying that regulating an occasional indulgence seems overly critical.

And I have to take issue with the name “Center for Science in the Public Interest”.  If you look at their website, you’re treated to a group that are obsessed with what you eat.  The entire side menu comprises of food-related topics (with the exception of Integrity in Science, which watchdogs for conflicts of interests).  Effectively, the CSPI is going to do what it can to make sure you don’t eat candy, drink soda, eat popcorn, use salt, drink booze, or benefit from the advances of genetically engineering your crops.  The dubious “Eating Green” tab sums up the CSPI’s political interests.  This isn’t science (which is a broad term with many specialized areas).  This is nutrition science, not general science.  The name itself is misleading.

As we grow closer to a nationalized health care system, please be aware that these types of lobbyists will have a say on what kind of food is sold, as the population must eat well to stay healthy.  So expect your Dolly Madison Snack Cakes to vanish from store aisles, as well as any carbonated beverage, as the government forces milk upon you.  And when you go to the movies, be sure to pick up the Big Salad to split with your kids while watching the film.


3 Responses to “Your Joy Will Kill You”

  1. 1 Glenn S
    November 19, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Popcorn unhealthy? That’s downright unamerican! I just formulated a new theory that the
    classic “Grey” aliens some people claim to interact with are humans visiting from the future.
    Their mission: to see why eating the healthy green foods made them Grey and diminutive. Hopefully, while visiting they will anal probe our dear leader and most malignant narcissist, B. Hussein Obama.

  2. 2 docattheautopsy
    November 19, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    I’ve had the hypothesis for a while. Eventually, the environmentalists take over the planet and force everyone off the world while it heals. In the meantime, everyone’s skin turns grey from eating nutritious paste, their eyes get big and black from the lack of light in deep space, and they are all programed to be homosexual, or the computer that raises the embryos has malfunctioned, making them believe the only way to reproduce is by anal probing. Confused by this hypothesis, they return from the future to seek out reproductive organs with our rectal cavities to see when we evolved to stop reproducing that way.

  3. 3 Matt R.
    November 20, 2009 at 6:23 am

    That’s a heck of new “Rapture” theory, Doc.
    “Left Behind” will have whole new meaning.
    We’ll get that Growing Pains dude to play Al Gore in the movie.

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About Me

My name is Doc. Welcome to my blog. If you're visiting from another blog, add me to your blogroll (and I'll happily reciprocate). I have a Ph.D. in Chemistry and live in Wisconsin. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. My email is docattheautopsy at gmail. (No linking to deflate the incredible spam monsters).



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